Hating Your Body

Do you ever hate your body?

When I was 250 I went through weird stages where I’d love my body and flaunt it, then I’d go through stages where I hated my body. The stomach rolls. The thighs rubbing. The big arms. The double chin.

I lost weight because I became stuck in that “I hate my body” phase and realized there was a different way of living out there. I lost weight because my body HURT all the time.

Well last week I was hating my body again. I was so damn MAD at my body. Thoughts like “I didn’t lose 110 pounds to still hurt!” My injury deflated me. I felt betrayed, I felt broken. I felt really pissed off at my body like it was the ENEMY.

Many times in my weight loss journey I looked at my “fat” as the demon I was trying exorcise. I wanted to get rid of that and never see it again.

Last week was the first time since I was “fat” that I felt like my body was the Enemy. I kept thinking, “How could I lose so much weight and be soooo healthy and still get injured?” And I thought, “How can so many other people run and not get injured?”

I did everything right. I didn’t increase my speed or distance too fast. I gradually increased my speed over MONTHS of training. Yes I added stairs to my routine recently, but I had been doing that damn stair-master all winter long. Doesn’t that count for something? Sheesh!

I still can’t answer any of these questions. My hope is that I am healing and healed soon. I don’t want to injure myself further. But I also don’t want to be sidelined for the entire summer season. I have Hood to Coast in 2 months and I want to be 100% for that!

I woke up this morning wondering if I would be in pain from yesterday’s run. I wasn’t! There were no twinges, no aches, no strains. I felt okay but I wanted to take it easy anyhow.

Today is my Rest Day and I’m taking it easy.Β  I want to be able to heal. So far today I’ve been pretty upbeat and happy. Not being in pain changes your outlook drastically and I am crossing my fingers that the healing has begun!

July Weigh-In

This month’s weigh in isn’t very exciting. I haven’t lost much of anything…maybe about half a pound. I was disappointed when I got on the scale and saw no change. 😦

No change could be from a lot of things…getting into an exercise rut, being injured and taking it easy, over-indulging at events and vacations, and…..

…..drinking more alcohol (why is it that summertime = alcohol?).

I measured and saw a change, however. I lost about 1/2 an inch around everywhere except my waist where I lost a whole inch! Sweet! I’ll take it. My hope is that I heal quickly and can get back to training. Maybe next month I will see a change!

QUESTION: How do you change your thinking when it goes to the negative side?

12 responses to “Hating Your Body

  1. You know, I was never really badly injured in my life until 3 months ago when I herniated a disk in my back. And doing nothing but turning my body. It seemed so unfair to be so fit and active and hurt myself doing nothing! But, it just happens sometimes. Doesn’t mean it’s fair, but you just have to go on.

    At least you recognized the negative talk. I see many blogs where people speak about themselves in a way that I don’t think they would talk to another person, and that is sad. You have to recognize the negative first in order to just stop it. Catch a negative thought and immediately reframe it to take any self-blame out of the equation. It just takes practice.

    • Oh ouch, Lori! Isn’t always the injuries that happen weirdly that are the worst? My mom threw her back out by sneezing one time! I hope you’re feeling back to 100%.

      Negative self-talk can be a trap that’s hard to get out of. I seem to do it when I’m sick or injured. But you are right, catching yourself in the thought and consciously twisting it to something positive works.

  2. Size loss is still a loss. I just went and tried on shorts and capris for summer and was very disappointed……I’ve been slacking and it shows in my motivation and slow down in loss. 😦

  3. I had a “hate” week about 3 weeks ago. I was on vacation in Hawaii and had intentions of running daily. On day 3, a knee injury had me barely walking. I was so mad at my body for hindering my vacation and keeping me from doing all that I had wanted to do. It took some kind words from my hubby to realize that my body was simply screaming that it needed a vacation too.
    I really wanted to blame my body for failing, but I had to thank it for waving the “slow down” red flag. It ended up being a blessing in disguise – I came back last week stronger than ever at the gym and even lost 2 lbs. on vacation!

  4. A loss is a loss. The fact that you still loss while indulging shows you are doing something right. Good balance. Also, scales suck. I can change weight in a day. Take it easy on your hip. I ran on an injury and ended up having to take a long hiatus in running. It ended up being a blessing and I lost more weight not running, but it still sucks to get hurt. Congrats on the new measurements!

  5. Ok, so I know that I’ve only been following your blog for a couple of months, but I just have to say: there is no reason to get down on yourself. You are a hottie and an amazing athlete and I love that you seem to have a great balance in your life – of course beer and wine and good food are there to enjoy! The fact that you’re losing inches is testament to the power of your lifestyle. You work your butt off on the bike or in your running shoes – and yeah, you do earn that beer!

    The only thing I might suggest, given what I have seen of your training (which may be incomplete, I know!) is adding in a day of speed/tempo/HIIT work each week. Doesn’t need to be anything fancy, buy I always find that I get leaner and stronger when I’m diligent about doing faster stuff.

  6. Honestly, I hate my body most everyday. Which I know logically is ridiculous! I mean it is strong and capabale and allows me perform at high intensity level….yet when I look in the mirror…oh don’t get me started!

  7. I struggle with hating my body a lot because I did so much damage to it from being obese for so many years… but I’m working on it.

    • Beth– I think that’s the reason I go through periods of hating my body too. Too many years of being obese and unhappy. Those feelings and negative thoughts are somewhat ingrained. 😦

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